Day 15

Well, I didn't even bother weighing myself since the last post, Day 9. I have been a bad girl, but not incredibly bad. Just enough to not want to weigh myself. Yes, the holiday food was just too much to reject. It started Christmas Eve at my mom & dad's...mom had nothing but hors d'euvres (spelling?) and wow, it was all so good. Especially the sour kraut and cheese dip...oh my god, if food could give an orgasm, that would have been it. I had too much. I paid for it the next day with horrible diarrhea (sorry if that's gross).
Next day was Jamie's family dinner. I didn't do too bad at dinner, because I had stuffed my face with munchies beforehand that were also there. I remember thinking about what was going into my mouth but I just didn't care at that point. I was so hungry. I didn't do any self-talk before I went so it was a lost cause. I need to do the self talk way more, as it really does help me stay focused.
Next day was also a write-off, because we stupidly took home the leftover dish I had made - broccoli and cheese casserole. Talk about pure fat on a fork. And I ate it all day long. I'm so ashamed.
Got hammered on Saturday night with my hubby. Not feeling good at all on Sunday. But had yet another dinner to attend - it was his dad's birthday so we all got together for lasagna dinner. Again, I did fairly well at dinner, because I pigged out on chips and dip beforehand. I have to admit though that I barely had much to eat all day. I also had a piece of rubbarb pie for dessert. Let's just say by nighttime my mood was very bad, and knowing my hubby was going back to work out of town for several days started the old anxiety attacks. I had chest pains, heart palpitations and couldn't get to sleep until after 1:15am. Baby woke up at 4:45am and my eldest at 5:00am. Not fun. But I did great today with food. I am soooooooooo proud of myself.
I was so depressed because my friend was supposed to come over and spend the day and have supper. She is such a big help to me with my husband isn't home. She is GREAT with the kids and is wonderful company for me. She's like family. Well, the weather outside was FRIGHTFUL, and she has a cold, so she didn't come over. I felt so lonely. So I thought fuck it, and pulled a pizza out of the freezer for dinner. I was so intent on devouring it. Then I started to think, at least if I'm going to pig out, I have to at least read the nutrition label on the side. If I'm going to eat it, it's better to know what I'm eating. I read the label. It wasn't pretty. I decided to put it back in the freezer. Instead I ate 3 low fat chicken strips and steamed beats and sweet potato. I actually put it back. I stepped away from it. I couldn't believe it.
I also decided tonight that I'm always in a rush to put the kids to bed so I can workout before my shows start. It's not fair to the kids or me. I look forward to watching my shows to zone out after a long busy day. So because I love the Jillian Michael's DVD, I decided to go through it with pen and paper and write down the exact # of everything she does and all the exercises (now that I'm familiar with the workout). Now I can do it in front of my shows and work out while I watch TV, instead of feeling rushed to do the DVD before my shows. That way I have NO excuse.
Anyway, will be weighing myself tomorrow. Not looking forward to it but the blog is helping keep me accountable, so that's a good thing...cause even when I mess up I go back to being good because finally I feel I have to be true to this. Thanks Jen for all your support. I knew you'd be my biggest fan on this! lol